Our Promise To You

Podpeoplepress.com* is committed to a sustainably organic, painfully biodegradable, ethically challenged lifestyle with a simplified yet diverse multifunctional toolkit for stunting personal growth in low-pressure, high-altitude environments.

To apply for full afterparty membership, you must be able to levitate for thirty minutes while whistling “O Canada” through your left nostril in either official language. Proof of levitation plus one million box tops of podpeoplepress.com’s insanely delicious breakfast cereal—Maple Cream Pie Delight—must be submitted before midnight July 1, 1867 for consideration in our totally fake contest. This contest is null and void everywhere except Uranus. Residents of Uranus should apply within.

Note: *Some books cannot be written in a cruelty-free environment. Those allergic to cheap thrills should consult a witch or stop touching themselves inappropriately.